Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Food Poisoning

Top of the cusp of the afternoon to you!

Last night was truly a horrendous experience.  I feel as though I am a changed person from it.  The last time I had food poisoning this bad I wrote two awkward emails to my grade 12 Chemistry and English teachers about the experience.
They both went something like this...

"Hi Mr. R
I will not be in class today because I have developed, probably, the most awful case of food poisoning known to man! That is a bit mellow dramatic but I am really quite sick! I was fine at the talent show but on the way home I thought that I had swallowed a buffalo! Sorry for that over share. The night and much of the day has not been enjoyable! But I will be there to write the unit test tomorrow! Thanks for coming to the talent show by the way! It was a great success!

"Hi Mr. H
I'm sorry I didn't make it into class today but I have some serious food poisoning! I have been continuously sick since 11:30 last night, even falling asleep on my bathroom floor a few times...sorry if that is an over share! I ate a bad wrap from extra foods but was fine at the show last night, but on the drive home I felt as if a bear was punching my stomach...again sorry for the over share! But I will definitely be there for the mock tomorrow! And thanks again for being in the talent show it was a fun night and very successful.

NOW...you may be thinking..."OH HOLLY PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T SEND EMAILS THAT WERE ACTUALLY LIKE THAT". To you dear readers I say:

Where were you 5 years ago to tell me not to because, not only did I send emails like this, I sent THOSE EXACT EMAILS. I found them in the sent folder of my old email account. #Headhangofshame.

To make matters worse this is what those particular teachers looked like in my minds eye:

Dont believe that a human can be that awkward? Well I'm here to prove you wrong. Check out the email I sent to my clinical instructor last night.

Hi Jen,
I just want to let you know that I don't think I can make it in to clinical this morning and this seemed like the fastest way to tell you without waking you up with a phone call at 2 am.  I've been up all night with what I think is food poisoning. My stomach has basically been in a state of constant cramping since about 830. Not sure what I ate, all I know is that now it wants to kill me slowly/punish me.  I've got an alarm set for 5 just in case I do ever get some sleep or I eventually stop emptying my body contents (Sorry for that horrible visual) so you hopefully might see me still. I really really really hate missing clinical, especially when we only have 3 weeks in acute care, but I will definitely be back for Wednesday. I'm really sorry and annoyed and I hope this is okay. FYI, also maybe steer clear of the Egg salad in the cafeteria? Just to be safe....

....Sigh....At least I can rest easy knowing that 5 years later I am still the most awkward human being in the room and that it isn't a recent development. And I think we can all rest a little easier knowing that.

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